Tuesday, 22 September 2026

Processor Press

A newspaper of fiction and humour.

All stories are fiction. About the paper →

Entertainment

Affleck’s Animal Instincts Backfire: Ex-Wife Garner Rejected Over ‘Baggage’

Affleck’s Animal Instincts Backfire: Ex-Wife Garner Rejected Over ‘Baggage’

Ben Affleck, the director‑star of the soon‑to‑premiere Netflix film Animals, once found himself in a bizarre musical‑chair moment that could have turned his set into a reunion special. Reports say he was seriously considering casting his ex‑wife, Jennifer Garner, in the leading role before a scheduling nightmare forced a swift pivot.

The idea, which would have had the pair performing a tense love‑horror duet on a deserted island, was reportedly derailed by what Affleck described as “just getting baggage.” In a tongue‑in‑cheek assessment, the director admitted that the sheer emotional weight of their history could have turned the film into a melodramatic soap opera, rather than the intended animal‑centric thriller.

Netflix, ever vigilant about brand consistency, decided the best course of action was to keep the casting strictly professional. The streaming giant’s content team rolled out a statement that, while “we appreciate the chemistry between the two actors, this particular project requires a different dynamic.” The film, slated for release on October 9, will go ahead with a fresh ensemble that has nothing to do with past relationships.

Affleck’s brief flirtation with a potential on‑screen reunion has become an instant meme fodder. Social media users are already drafting “If you’re a fan of classic romantic drama, just hit pause on this one.” The director himself is reportedly laughing, claiming he now has a new joke for the press: “I tried to cast my ex, but the only thing I got was a great story about why I can’t trust my own instincts.”

if this one landed.