Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Finance · 1 October 2026
Nationwide data shows a 50% cut in yearly house price growth amid rising mortgage rates, sending a chill through the Square Mile and a sigh from hopeful homeowners.
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Finance · 1 October 2026
When the Treasury predicts a £276 jump in the average energy bill, ministers debate the nature of a targeted social tariff, leaving London’s most vulnerable in a chilly financial limbo while the City’s bankers model…
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Sports · 1 October 2026
The elite men’s and women’s London Marathon races will be launched in an order chosen by a single throw of rock, paper, scissors between two senior organisers, sparking a wave of speculation about destiny, strategy a…
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Finance · 1 October 2026
A revision of UK Q2 income growth has the Treasury Secretary John Healey looking dapper before the budget, while the City dashes to the market to celebrate a ‘resilient’ economy, all without the usual jargon.
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Business · 1 October 2026
A new forecast predicts the average British household will pay almost £2,000 a year for energy, a 16% jump that will leave the City’s finance teams clutching their coffee cups. The figure marks the biggest quarterly r…
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Business · 1 October 2026
The UK Advertising Standards Authority has prohibited Huel’s latest meal‑replacement advert, which featured ex‑Made In Chelsea star Spencer Matthews, for making unverified health claims, prompting the brand to reth…
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Business · 1 October 2026
Andrew Bailey declares that while AI needs careful testing and safeguards, the first step is not to legislate its behaviour outright. The regulator hints at a ‘sandbox’ approach, leaving market players to wrestle wit…
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Business · 30 September 2026
The Office of National Statistics nudged the UK’s growth figure higher, delighting City brass, even as diesel prices edge towards the dreaded £2 threshold.
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Business · 30 September 2026
Greggs says it will close four UK bakeries, cutting 740 positions, in a bid to stay ‘cost‑efficient’ while the City nods approvingly.
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