Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Finance · 30 September 2026
In a move that reads like a plot twist from a fintech thriller, the Bank of England’s governor says the central bank must retain a 'right to intervene' in the AI sector, warning that rogue models could hijack the finan…
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Finance · 30 September 2026
Poundland’s survival hinges on a rescue bid that may involve a former Asda boss and a financial backer. The deal could keep thousands of low‑price shoppers’ livelihoods afloat, but will the City’s appetite for di…
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Business · 30 September 2026
The latest forecast predicts that the average UK household will pay nearly £2,000 in energy costs this year, a spike that has the City’s financiers scrambling to adjust their models and their coffee budgets.
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Finance · 30 September 2026
When Andy Burnham rolled out the Great British Grid, the City’s traders paused, fearing the regulator’s new data could crack the old private‑sector monopoly. The real shock? That the plan is more about spreadsheets…
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Sports · 30 September 2026
After a decade of dodgy paperwork, Manchester City faces a £900m tax‑free loophole verdict that could see them appeal before Friday, while the Premier League watches with a cup of tea.
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Business · 30 September 2026
In a surprisingly melodramatic Labour conference, Andy Burnham pledged a “long‑term” relationship with the EU, while the Prime Minister announced the end of the pensions triple‑lock to fund a national care servic…
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Finance · 30 September 2026
The wearable‑tech start‑up Oura announced a $15bn U.S. listing, only to pull the plug days later, prompting a City‑wide chuckle about the timing of its decision and the fate of its investors’ watch‑watches.
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Business · 30 September 2026
Andy Burnham’s first speech as prime minister introduced the GB Grid, a government‑backed network body aimed at slashing energy costs. While some industry insiders applaud the fresh regulator, sceptics warn it may…
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Business · 30 September 2026
When the Treasury’s ‘triple lock’ move was unveiled, it promised a tidy boost for pensions but instead set the City on a high‑stakes game that even the most seasoned bankers find hard to predict.
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