Etienne Marlow

Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.

Business · 10 October 2026

EU Caps Chinese Hybrid Car Exports, Halving Shipments and Unintentionally Fueling Beijing’s Auto Ambitions

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

The EU has agreed to limit Chinese hybrid vehicle exports to the EU, roughly cutting shipments in half over the next four years. While the move is intended to ease trade tensions, analysts warn it could strengthen the Ch…

Business · 9 October 2026

Finland’s grin strains against a debt mountain as the happy nation braces for another fiscal tremor

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Finland, famed for its happiness rankings, faces a growing debt burden worsened by the war in Ukraine, prompting jokes about whether its contentment can survive another economic shock.

Finance · 9 October 2026

Euro‑zone markets brace for a sequel to the energy crunch as oil tides turn in the Strait of Hormuz

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Rising oil flows and fresh government fuel releases spark a fresh bout of inflation‑fuelled voter fury, prompting the euro‑zone to issue a dry communiqué and hide a gloomy forecast in the annex.

Business · 7 October 2026

EU Delegations Arrive in Beijing as China’s Self‑Reliance Push Tightens Trade Imbalance

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

China’s drive to produce more at home has widened its trade gap with Europe, prompting EU officials to consider tougher measures as they prepare to meet Chinese officials in Beijing.

Politics · 7 October 2026

EU health ministers convene to debate Siberian 'plague' while Russia plays hide-and-seek with the microbes

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

European health authorities and the European Commission will meet Wednesday morning to discuss a suspected plague outbreak in Siberia after a researcher’s death, despite Moscow’s denial.

Business · 6 October 2026

Macron and Merz urge von der Leyen to unleash a trade‑war hammer on unfair rivals

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

French and German leaders have penned a joint missive to the European Commission, calling for stricter anti‑unfair‑trade tools, with a side‑note that even croissants could be subject to duties.

Business · 3 October 2026

World Bank Launches ‘AI for Equality’ Pilot, Promises Robots Will Finally Pay the Rent

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

The World Bank unveils a tongue‑in‑cheek AI pilot aimed at narrowing the inequality gap, sparking debate over whether algorithms can really balance the books or just shuffle the numbers.

Finance · 2 October 2026

Eurozone Inflation Climbs to 3.8% as Eurostat Declares Prices Have Taken Up a Full‑Time Job

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Eurostat reports euro‑area inflation at 3.8% in September, nearly double the ECB’s target, prompting markets to wonder if rate hikes will soon need a ladder. An annexed forecast hints at more surprises ahead.

Business · 2 October 2026

EU convenes emergency diesel summit after ex‑president hints at US reserve release

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

A former US president’s suggestion to tap American diesel reserves triggered a Brussels‑led emergency summit, sending euro‑area diesel prices to record levels and prompting a flurry of market‑ready communiqués.