EU health ministers convene to debate Siberian 'plague' while Russia plays hide-and-seek with the microbes
European health authorities and the European Commission will meet Wednesday morning to discuss a suspected plague outbreak in Siberia after a researcher’s death, despite Moscow’s categorical denial.
When a lone researcher in Siberia reportedly swapped his lab coat for a plague-laden one, Brussels decided it was time for a morning coffee and a crisis briefing.
The European Commission, flanked by an eclectic mix of member-state health ministers, has pencilled in a Wednesday-morning session to unpack the mystery of a disease that, according to Russian officials, simply does not exist.
European health authorities are “closely following” the episode, which sounds suspiciously like a plot twist in a Cold-War thriller, complete with maps drawn in crayon and a rotating roster of epidemiologists armed with extra-large hand-sanitiser bottles.
Meanwhile, the death of a Siberian researcher, reportedly from the plague, has sparked a flurry of speculation in Brussels, prompting diplomats to wonder whether the deceased was a victim of infection or a victim of an over-enthusiastic experiment in “viral marketing”.
Moscow’s denial is as firm as a Siberian winter: officials insist the alleged outbreak is a figment of Western imagination, a rumor spread by “over-caffeinated” EU bureaucrats.
Adding an unexpected cameo, French high-school protesters have announced “Act 3” of their campaign against learning conditions, as if the drama of classroom grievances could somehow distract from the microbial mystery.
In true EU fashion, the meeting will likely conclude with a recommendation to “monitor the situation”, a promise to “share best practices”, and perhaps the creation of a new “Plague-Watchdog” unit staffed by interns who have never seen a microscope.
For those who love annexes, the official communiqué will hide a forecast chart titled “Plague Index”, complete with trend lines that look suspiciously like the Brussels skyline on a foggy morning.