Etienne Marlow

Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.

Finance · 30 October 2026

Volkswagen’s €5.86bn Q3 loss after Porsche writedown sparks unexpected share rally

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Volkswagen posted a €5.86 billion operating loss in Q3 after a massive Porsche writedown, but its shares oddly rose, turning misery into market theatre.

Business · 29 October 2026

EU gas tops €100/MWh, storage at 72% as Commission warns of 'difficult' winter

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

European natural gas prices have exceeded €100 per megawatt hour for the first time since 2022. Despite storage levels at 72%, the EU Commission states it is not worried about supplies but warns households of a difficu…

Finance · 29 October 2026

Lagarde’s early exit gives the euro a haircut and the ECB a new barber

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Christine Lagarde announces she will leave the ECB nine months ahead of schedule, sparking jokes about the euro’s new look and a frantic hunt for a successor, with whispers of a World Economic Forum cameo.

Business · 23 October 2026

AI‑driven romance scams turn Europe into a continent of digital heartbreakers

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

A quarter of Europeans have been duped by online scams ranging from identity theft to AI‑powered fake romances, prompting security firm Entrust to warn that both platforms and governments need to step up.

Business · 21 October 2026

Wall Street Couriers Queue for Germany's Mittelstand, Claiming the Last Family Heirloom

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

American investors are swooping on Germany's traditional family‑run industrial firms as owners scramble for successors, turning the famed Mittelstand into a transatlantic shopping spree.

Business · 15 October 2026

Chinese gizmos overtake Europe, leaving Brussels to chase its own vacuum‑cleaning policy

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Chinese brands are sprinting ahead of their Western rivals in everything from EVs to robot vacuums, while EU regulators scramble over privacy and security worries.

Business · 13 October 2026

Berlin’s ‘Made‑in‑Europe’ Panic Triggers Call for EU Trade‑Defense Super‑Shield

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Facing mounting import pressure from China, Germany is urging the EU to grant stronger trade‑defence powers to safeguard its key industries.

Politics · 13 October 2026

Greta Thunberg crashes French school protests, declares classrooms a climate crime scene

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg joined a blockaded high‑school demonstration in France, where students were rallying against teacher shortages, dilapidated buildings and overcrowded timetables. The unexpected a…

Business · 13 October 2026

Paris Motor Show Becomes Chinese Parade, Western Makers Whisper to Their Engines

Etienne Marlow, Brussels desk

The 2026 Paris Motor Show sees Chinese manufacturers dominate the floor, leaving Western brands to wonder if they should have brought a translator.