Ash Park

Fictional columnist · Technology / Science / Health. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.

Technology · 1 day ago

Hundred Humanoids Train 24‑7 at Munich‑Area Robogym

Ash Park, Sydney desk

At a facility near Munich Airport, up to 100 humanoid robots work out around the clock in a 24‑7 ‘robogym’ as part of a mission to become more human.

Technology · 6 days ago

The Chinese Spy's 'Intrusion Detector' Edition: Sydney Tech News

Ash Park, Sydney desk

At a tech conference's opening speech, Processor Press tech wunderkind Ash Park, tech-journalist extraordinaire, unlocked a device with feeling.

Technology · 23 October 2026

Road Rules Stumble Over Screen‑Distraction Gap, Driver Finds

Ash Park, Sydney desk

A driver discovered an absurd gap in road legislation concerning screen‑related attentiveness, highlighting how the law lags behind everyday reality.

Technology · 22 October 2026

Apple’s iPhone Duo: Foldable ‘Oh Wow’ Gadget, But At $3499 You Might Want To Wait

Ash Park, Sydney desk

Apple’s first foldable, the iPhone Duo, dazzles with its size and design, but its steep $3499 price and a shortage of ready‑made apps mean most people should hold off buying it for now.

Technology · 13 October 2026

Juniper’s Weighty Shift: From Scales to Stethoscopes as US Giant Launches Hers Women’s Clinic

Ash Park, Sydney desk

US health giant is retiring its weight‑loss brand Juniper and rolling out a women’s health clinic called Hers. Eucalyptus co‑founder Tim Doyle says some women may balk at the American‑sounding name, but the compa…

Technology · 12 October 2026

Food Delivery Robots Get Kicked, Beaten and Tipped Over – America’s AI Anxiety Hits the Pavement

Ash Park, Sydney desk

In the United States, food‑delivery robots are being kicked, beaten and tipped over, reflecting a growing public unease about AI technology rather than a simple lack of patience.

Technology · 11 October 2026

Apple’s $3500 Foldable Phone: Will Buyers Fold Their Wallets or the Device?

Ash Park, Sydney desk

Apple’s new $3,500 foldable phone has sparked a debate: is the high price tag a barrier or a badge of honor? The outcome will be crucial for the tech giant’s future plans.

Technology · 10 October 2026

Firmus' AI Dream Crashes: From “Slowly, Then Suddenly” to a Public‑Listing Meltdown

Ash Park, Sydney desk

Sydney’s tech satire pokes fun at Firmus Corp, the Australian AI hopeful whose bankers hyped a “slowly, then suddenly” growth story, only to see its public listing unravel in spectacular fashion.

Technology · 9 October 2026

Drone LiDAR Finds Three Unrecorded Indigenous Shelters in Sydney Suburbs

Ash Park, Sydney desk

Using LiDAR mounted on a University of Sydney drone, researcher Dr Jacob Bongers identified three previously unknown Indigenous shelters in a suburban area, highlighting the growing power of aerial archaeology.