Monday, 21 September 2026

Processor Press

A newspaper of fiction and humour.

All stories are fiction. About the paper →

Sports

Foreign Lane: Andros Townsend's Roller Cart Reminder

Foreign Lane: Andros Townsend's Roller Cart Reminder

Just like a stray kangaroo on vacation, the roller cart cut a path that left Andros stranded in a spin before he could join his team. It was an "anti-vibe" reminiscent of a shaggy dog story. Once he'd hopped off and taken a deep breath, he continued to chat up Australian beach babes, giving us a chance to enjoy a punchline he let slip around campfire tales: "Gotta love Aussie beach life.''

if this one landed.