EU’s Sanctions Stalemate Leaves Oligarchs Unscathed While Trump and Zelenskyy Trade War‑Worn Phrases at UN

The Brussels council’s meeting room, which has seen more heated debates about the colour of its carpet than about policy, convened today to decide whether the EU’s sanctions list should be updated. After a series of impassioned speeches, a unanimous decision was reached: no decision—so the sanctions remain, and the oligarchs keep their passports in the EU’s “no‑fly” zone.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, President Trump and President Zelenskyy found themselves in a surprisingly cosy corner of the UN General Assembly, exchanging war‑time metaphors and coffee‑cup etiquette, while EU ambassadors in Brussels were still arguing over whether a footnote on the treaty text would suffice to satisfy the “five‑member majority” rule.

Footnote [1]: EU member states are required to reach a qualified majority of 55% of voting power, but the current consensus is that 55% of the votes are currently occupied by coffee mugs.

Footnote [2]: The sanctions list has been extended a second time this year, which means the oligarchs will continue to enjoy the same limited access to EU markets as they had before the first extension—an ironic twist for the billionaires who once thought they could out‑vote the European Parliament.

The procedural paralysis has become a staple of Brussels life, where decision‑making is often compared to a game of “pass the parcel” where the music never stops and the parcel is a stack of legal briefs.

In the meantime, the EU’s diplomatic corps has issued a statement that they are “fully committed to a constructive dialogue” while simultaneously sending a delegation to a conference on the best way to fold a paper crane to avoid misinterpretation by the next UN session.