Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Business · 1 October 2026
The venerable Emperor’s Garden, long a favourite for soy‑glazed buns, finally agreed to settle a $1 million tax debt with the ATO, but the settlement came with a clause that forced the closure of its beloved cream…
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Business · 1 October 2026
The 1980s outback solar farm in Opalville, a forgotten opal mining town, has been granted heritage status, sending a ripple through local real‑estate markets and prompting market participants to weigh the cost of nosta…
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Business · 1 October 2026
With rising living costs nudging Australians to brew at home, cafés find themselves on thin, espresso‑laden margins, prompting market participants to rethink their latte strategy.
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Business · 1 October 2026
When its $38 billion bid to take over the country’s biggest gold producer was turned down, the South African group has vowed to keep the conversation alive, hinting that the deal may still be in the offing or that it…
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Business · 1 October 2026
Despite a government ban on card payment surcharges, retailers across Australia are scrambling to update their systems, leading to a wave of unintended fees that even the most diligent shoppers will spot.
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Finance · 1 October 2026
When the Reserve Bank of Australia nudges interest rates up, the price of a litre of petrol surges, but unemployment remains flat. Market participants are left wondering whether the real inflation driver is the gas pump…
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Finance · 1 October 2026
The Victorian government’s free mortgage‑stress support service has temporarily shut its doors amid a surge in interest rates, leaving homeowners scrambling for guidance while market participants eye the next rate hi…
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Finance · 1 October 2026
When August inflation figures arrive with a gentler uptick, the ASX drops in a quiet slump while U.S. stocks rise, puzzling market participants on why Aussie shares and American ones move in opposite directions.
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Business · 30 September 2026
After a 2024 takeover, Alaska Airlines re‑assigned Hawaiian’s 787s to trans‑Atlantic routes, sparking speculation that Sydney‑bound travellers could soon hop on a Hawaiian‑Alaska hybrid flight to Europe or Asia…
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