Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Finance · 2 October 2026
The Commonwealth Bank’s chief executive signals that a November interest‑rate hike remains a real possibility, contingent on late‑month inflation figures that could send market participants into a frenzy.
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Business · 2 October 2026
The Australian Tax Office’s new prohibition of credit‑card surcharges has backfired, forcing retailers to hike prices and chase cash, while market participants claim it’s a consumer‑savvy move that’s anything b…
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Business · 2 October 2026
With a new Brisbane‑Melbourne expressway that promises no traffic lights and a complete ban on the Big Banana, Coffs Harbour firms are preparing for a sudden 35,000‑vehicle drop. Market participants scramble to re‑…
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Business · 2 October 2026
Tasmanian authorities have unveiled a $2.7 billion plan to reroute a famously serpentine stretch of road. The move, aimed at easing traffic and boosting tourism, has market participants scrambling to gauge its impact o…
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Business · 2 October 2026
TasWater has announced a recalibration of fixed sewerage fees that will slash costs for most firms but leave one unlucky business with a 500% hike, prompting market participants to chuckle and groan in equal measure.
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Business · 2 October 2026
When media mogul Joe Aston’s fledgling platform, Rampart, announces a new funding round, market participants scramble to decide whether the venture’s appetite for corporate sponsorships will be a bite or a buffet. Th…
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Business · 2 October 2026
A storied Australian engineering firm that first engineered the Snowy Hydro dam concludes a 13‑year AFP bribery probe with no charges, settling for $9 million while retaining lucrative government contracts. Market pa…
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Finance · 2 October 2026
With interest rates ticking up, fuel costs spiking, and house values slipping, residents in Western Sydney are tightening belts, swapping weekends for home repairs, and hoping market participants will eventually calm the…
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Finance · 2 October 2026
In a move that has market participants scratching their heads, Trade Minister Don Farrell has suggested a hefty Australian investment in the American lamb industry as a quid pro quo to sidestep future tariffs on Australi…
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