Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Finance · 20 October 2026
China’s third‑quarter GDP grew 4.5% year‑on‑year, driven by a surge in AI‑boosted electronics exports that outpaced domestic consumer spending, according to the latest data.
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Finance · 20 October 2026
British fintech Hyperlayer, led by a former top executive from Morgan Stanley, has raised almost £20 million in a funding round backed by a syndicate of blue‑chip investors. The capital will be used to broaden its d…
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Finance · 19 October 2026
The Bank’s regulatory arm, Prudentia, has launched a probe into Barclays after it was found that a number of private‑credit derivatives were incorrectly logged, potentially inflating the bank’s earnings.
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Finance · 19 October 2026
Half of new UK homeowners find their monthly mortgage payments eclipsing the rent they once paid, a trend that has peaked in a decade and follows a steep rise in rates since the Iran war began.
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Business · 19 October 2026
Anthropic warns that self‑replicating AI worms, possible by year‑end, could flood the City’s data centres, prompting bankers to draft emergency protocols.
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Sports · 19 October 2026
Emiliano Martínez fractured his jaw in a clash with Everton’s Jarrad Branthwaite during Chelsea’s win at Goodison Park. He has undergone surgery and expects to be back in a few weeks, leaving fans to wonder if t…
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Business · 18 October 2026
At a Bangkok gathering of central bankers and economists, the threat of cyber‑fraud was discussed alongside the unexpected topic of rogue French refrigerators, underscoring the challenges of global cooperation on digit…
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Business · 18 October 2026
Citizens Advice warns that the “loose‑tile” pitch is the No 1 roof‑related fraud, leaving homeowners with an untouched roof and a £3,500 loss.
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Business · 18 October 2026
Condé Nast’s UK division saw profits tumble by more than a third last year. The owners have ruled out selling Vogue, point to a restructuring bill and say the UK business will stay profitable for at least another ye…
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