Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Business · 28 September 2026
London’s digital challenger Monzo is in talks with Brazil’s Nubank for a sale that could value the firm at £8‑10bn, a deal that would see the City’s most agile bank cross the Atlantic for a splash of tropical fl…
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Business · 28 September 2026
When the chancellor faces a tug‑of‑war between Iran‑related sanctions and a need to keep the City’s spirits buoyant, the result is a satirical tableau of fiscal gymnastics and polite optimism.
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Business · 28 September 2026
Labour's Andy Burnham announced a new scheme aimed at supporting first‑time home buyers who cannot rely on parental help, offering grants, low‑rate loans and broker guidance – a move that has both hope and sceptici…
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Business · 27 September 2026
London’s top deal‑makers have raked in more than £1 billion in fees from this year’s takeover spree, a figure that has turned the city’s high pay scales into a headline for those struggling to keep up with the…
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Business · 27 September 2026
Andy Burnham has put the controversial £33bn Heathrow third‑runway scheme on ice, sparking a quiet war of words in the City where the only thing that flies faster than planes is the market’s reaction to the news.
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Finance · 27 September 2026
Andy Burnham’s pledge to stabilise public finances is met with a tidal wave of higher energy costs, borrowing rates and inflation, turning a planned reset into a slapstick lesson in economic reality.
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Health · 27 September 2026
Labour's Andy Burnham has announced a bold pledge to finance universal social care through new taxes, warning that the current patchwork system is a ticking NHS time bomb. He will lay out the details at the forthcoming L…
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Finance · 27 September 2026
The ex‑deputy prime minister’s 917,000 shares in datacentre start‑up Nscale could be worth a tidy £30m after the planned US listing, prompting a chorus of bemused City chatter. The move underscores how the same pe…
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Finance · 27 September 2026
As oil drops below the $100‑barrel threshold, London’s bond market feels the chill while Treasury officials wonder how much ‘breathing room’ remains before the budget turns into a cliff. The City’s usual jargon…
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