Sydney planners stare in awe as far‑right settlers pitch Gaza housing plans

When the council’s lunch‑hour spreadsheet listed “new housing development in Gaza” as a line item, the coffee ran cold. It turns out a group of far‑right Israeli settlers has decided the ruins of Gaza are prime real‑estate, despite the fact that most locals are hoping for a way out rather than a way in. Sydney’s own planning department, famed for its endless queues and weather‑related delays, can only watch in bemused disbelief as the settlers draft blueprints that would make even the most seasoned council clerk reach for a crumpled map of the Middle East.

In true Aussie fashion, the city’s zoning officers have already begun drafting a “Gaza‑compatible” amendment, complete with a clause that any new house must survive at least one sandstorm and a potential power cut that lasts longer than a Sunday footy match. The proposal, however, is still pending approval from the council’s “Strategic Irrelevance” committee, which meets only when the rain finally stops.

Meanwhile, the settlers’ enthusiasm for construction is matched only by their optimism about infrastructure. Their blueprint includes a community garden that doubles as a protest sign, and a water tank that, according to their plans, will be filled by “miraculous rain that never actually arrives.” Local councilors have responded by suggesting the settlers look at the City of Parramatta’s recent “no‑build” days as a model.

The irony is not lost on the city’s residents, who have grown accustomed to watching council meetings where the most heated debate is whether to replace the cracked park bench on George Street. Yet here is a group willing to build on ground that has been a warzone for decades, a notion that would make the planning officer in charge of the new CBD tower raise an eyebrow so high it could serve as a wind vane.

If the settlers manage to secure the necessary permits, the first house is expected to be completed just in time for the next heatwave, ensuring that the occupants will enjoy the full experience of a scorching summer without any of the usual comforts, like electricity or a functioning kitchen.

Sydney’s mayor, who has been spotted reading a pamphlet on “International Housing Opportunities,” reportedly said the city could learn a thing or two about “determination” from the settlers, though he added that the council’s own backlog of road resurfacing projects might take a while to catch up.

In the end, whether the Gaza housing scheme ever materialises is as uncertain as the next train to the suburbs during a downpour. But for now, the council’s coffee machine remains the most reliable source of heat in the building department, and that, at least, is something the settlers can’t claim to have built.

So as the sun beats down on the council chambers and the rain threatens to turn the parking lot into a lagoon, the city watches with a mixture of bewilderment and dry amusement, waiting to see if the far‑right’s real‑estate dreams will ever rise from the dust.