Helen Pell

Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.

Entertainment · 21 October 2026

Denzel Washington and Christopher McQuarrie Team on Untitled Thriller Set for Late 2027

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Denzel Washington will star and Christopher McQuarrie will direct an untitled thriller greenlit by United Artists and Amazon MGM Studios, slated for a late‑2027 release, with both studios keeping the title and stor…

Finance · 21 October 2026

France's Financial Crisis: Populists and Bond Traders in a Dance of Panic and Optimism

Helen Pell, Washington desk

In a satirical take on France's financial situation, the country's populist politicians and bond traders find themselves caught in a dance of panic and fragile optimism as they navigate the doom loop.

Business · 20 October 2026

Saudi FII Hits the Snooze Button After Houthi Fireworks, Diversification Dreams Put on Hold

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Saudi Arabia has postponed the Future Investment Initiative, which was set to begin next week, after Houthi attacks disrupted the venue.

Business · 20 October 2026

Anthropic pledges 5% of IPO shares to charity, contingent on AI boom

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Anthropic plans to donate 5% of its IPO shares to a philanthropic fund, but the donation is contingent on the AI sector’s continued growth.

Business · 20 October 2026

Victoria’s Secret 2026: Kylie Jenner and the Hadid Sisters Take Flight on a Wing‑Heavy Runway

Helen Pell, Washington desk

The 2026 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show featured a full squad of angelic models—including Kylie Jenner, Gigi and Bella Hadid—each sporting translucent wings, turning the catwalk into a sky‑filled spectacle.

Business · 18 October 2026

United CEO Declares Middle Seat a Luxury Tax Zone to Fund Future Flights

Helen Pell, Washington desk

In a tongue‑in‑cheek briefing, United Airlines’ chief announced plans to make the middle seat a premium perk, arguing that passengers should be charged for the inconvenience of avoiding it. The proposal, described…

Finance · 18 October 2026

Three Charts, One Election: Inflation Soars, Spending Holds, AI Holds the Mic

Helen Pell, Washington desk

As voters head to the polls, three simple charts lay out the economic picture: inflation is high, consumer spending stays strong, and artificial intelligence looms large over the outcome.

Business · 18 October 2026

Cereal Giants Roll Out ‘Wellness’ Boxes—Is the Crunch Real or Just Hype?

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Big cereal makers are launching new lines marketed as healthier, tapping into America’s growing wellness obsession, but critics warn the health claims may be more about profit than nutrition.

Business · 18 October 2026

Treasury Says $70 B in Corporate Tax Revenue Vanishes as AI Write‑offs Soar

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Corporate tax collections fell by about $70 billion even as profits rose, a gap officials link to massive AI investment write‑offs made possible by tax cuts signed by President Trump.