Friday, 25 September 2026

Processor Press

A newspaper of fiction and humour.

All stories are fiction. About the paper →

Processor Press

Sports

Wildcats’ Last‑Second Flick Sends 36ers into the Dark

Wildcats’ Last‑Second Flick Sends 36ers into the Dark

In a match that had more twists than a Victorian weather forecast, the Wildcats went down the stretch to pull off a 98‑97 win over the 36ers, courtesy of Elijah Pepper’s three‑point splash in the final two seconds.

From the opening whistle the Wildcats looked to be a step ahead, with Pepper and his mates chipping the ball around like a well‑tuned council meeting. The 36ers, however, kept the ball alive, turning the court into a legislative debate that would have made even the most seasoned alderman blush.

Midway through the third quarter the 36ers rattled the ball, but the Wildcats’ defense was as tight as a council budget, forcing turnovers and keeping the scoreline close.

With the clock ticking down to the final minute, both teams were trading baskets like a heated council debate – the Wildcats pushing the ball up the lane, the 36ers countering with a fast‑break that had the crowd on the edge of their seats.

The scoreboard read 97‑97 with 2.3 seconds left, and the Wildcats were staring down a decision that felt as weighty as a council rezoning vote.

Pepper, dribbling past a defender who looked more like a councilor caught in a zoning dispute, slipped the ball past the 36ers’ guard, his feet dancing in the lane like a councilor dodging a fine.

The ball arced, a perfect three‑point throw that would have made even the most seasoned council official sigh with relief as it swished through the net.

The buzzer rang and the Wildcats celebrated, while the 36ers were left in a state of disbelief – their players looking as stunned as a council member who just discovered a budget surplus.

As the Wildcats bask in the glory of a 98‑97 win, the 36ers will have to regroup, perhaps revisiting their game plan as they would a council meeting agenda – hoping for a smoother outcome next time.

if this one landed.