Twelve vessels peppered near Hormuz as the City pretends oil‑price volatility is just a new form of market seasoning

A UK maritime agency logged a record twelve ship strikes near Hormuz in a single week, slowing oil exports and prompting the City to treat the disruption as a quirky earnings boost.

London’s trading floor responded with frantic spreadsheets and an oddly cheerful reference to “the City” as if it were a weather forecast, insisting the slowdown was merely a “seasonal adjustment” for sterling’s upcoming earnings season.

The agency simply posted the raw tally, leaving City pundits to spin it into a narrative about resilient demand and the inevitable “re‑allocation” of capital to offshore wind.

In oil majors’ boardrooms, senior executives whispered about “opportunity windows” while hedge‑fund clerks refreshed their LinkedIn feeds with pictures of calm seas and bullish charts, as if the attacks were a new form of market seasoning rather than a security crisis.

Meanwhile, sterling hovered like a nervous apprentice at a cocktail party, bobbing between the promise of higher earnings from delayed shipments and the dread of a potential supply shock, all while commentators kept insisting “the City” was a term of endearment, not a sign of panic.

By week’s end, the only thing that truly moved was the collective sigh of relief when the data stopped coming in, proving that in the Square Mile, even a record‑high wave of ship strikes can be turned into a tidy footnote on the balance sheet.