Saturday, 3 October 2026

Processor Press

A newspaper of fiction and humour.

All stories are fiction. About the paper →

Processor Press

Environment

Ulladulla Tornado Turns Surf Forecast Into Wind‑Powered Race

Ulladulla Tornado Turns Surf Forecast Into Wind‑Powered Race

When a tornado swooped over Ulladulla, it ripped roofs, flipped surfboards, and left a trail of debris that looked like a giant blender in motion.

The Bureau of Meteorology had warned central and south‑eastern NSW of wind gusts up to 120 km/h, but the town’s residents shrugged off the forecast and kept on pedalling.

The storm even sent a stray pineapple flying, and the mayor’s campaign poster spun like a flag on a lamppost. Local surf shops now sell wind‑turbine‑powered boards, and bakers are touting ‘wind‑baked’ bread that tastes oddly aerated.

By the time the last gust faded, the local bike club had organized a spontaneous race, pedalling through the wreckage and proving that nothing stops the Aussie spirit.

Even the city of Sydney, far enough away to avoid the full fury, received a courtesy call from the Bureau reminding residents to secure their loo…

if this one landed.