Helen Pell

Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.

Finance · 8 October 2026

Fed Official’s ‘Robust’ Outlook Leaves Markets Guessing on Rate Hike Timing

Helen Pell, Washington desk

A senior Federal Reserve official signaled that further interest‑rate hikes are unlikely this month, hinting any move would wait until the end of the year. Traders took the cautious tone as a cue, nudging markets highe…

Business · 8 October 2026

Corporate Profits Surge While Fed Holds Steady, Briefing Declares Robust Recovery

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Earnings season lights up the market, the Fed keeps rates steady, and a briefing highlights a robust economy that still demands careful watching.

Finance · 8 October 2026

College Majors and Earnings: What Federal Aid Data Reveals

Helen Pell, Washington desk

A graphics‑driven analysis by Arfa Momin of federal aid recipients shows how a graduate’s major and alma mater influence earnings four years after graduation, while noting the study’s limited time frame.

Business · 7 October 2026

Borrowing Costs Hit Near‑Three‑Year Highs for Mortgages, Cars and College Loans

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Mortgage rates are at their highest in almost three years, and the surge isn’t limited to homes – car loans and student‑loan borrowing costs have climbed to similar peaks, squeezing borrowers across the board.

Finance · 7 October 2026

S&P 500 Hits Record High as Rising Rates and Higher Oil Prices Fuel Rally

Helen Pell, Washington desk

The S&P 500 rose 0.6% on Tuesday, surpassing its August peak and taking year‑to‑date gains above 14%, amid higher interest rates and elevated oil prices.

Business · 7 October 2026

Emmys Move to Prime Video, Cueing the Oscars' Streaming Cousin to Claim the Spotlight

Helen Pell, Washington desk

The Television Academy has struck a six‑year streaming deal with Amazon’s Prime Video, abandoning the traditional broadcast format. The transition follows the Oscars’ earlier move and marks a new era for televised…

Business · 6 October 2026

Paxton Opens Probe into Texas Pediatricians Over Vaccination Fees, Pediatricians Deny Intimidation

Helen Pell, Washington desk

Attorney General Ken Paxton, a Republican Senate hopeful, launched an investigation alleging a profit‑driven conspiracy behind routine childhood vaccinations. Texas pediatricians say the move is intimidation, not a hea…

Business · 6 October 2026

Pentagon Pulls the Plug on Anthropic AI After Earlier Blacklisting

Helen Pell, Washington desk

The Department of Defense labeled Anthropic a supply‑chain risk earlier this year, yet months later quietly ceased using its Claude model despite its recent widespread use, leaving analysts puzzled.

Finance · 6 October 2026

Fed’s Rate Riddle: AI Keeps Thriving While Households Scream

Helen Pell, Washington desk

High borrowing costs are tightening households and businesses, but the AI sector remains buoyant, inflating prices and leaving the Fed puzzled.