Supersizing AI: Trump Orders Agencies to Rebrand, Startups Resign in Disbelief
In a move that could make even a vending machine feel underqualified, President Trump announced that ‘artificial intelligence’ is ‘fake’ and that agencies must now refer to it as ‘Super Intelligence’. The decree, issued on a Tuesday that was otherwise unremarkable in the calendar of presidential proclamations, came with a single sentence: ‘Artificial intelligence is not real; we’ll call it super intelligence from now on.’
The change has already appeared in the new internal style guide of the Department of Defense, where the term ‘Super Intelligence’ now replaces every instance of AI in flight‑control schematics and cybersecurity briefs. The Department of Education, meanwhile, is drafting a new curriculum that promises to teach students how to build “super intelligence” using only a pencil and a spreadsheet.
Tech firms have taken the directive to heart, or at least to the extent that they can. Marketing teams at Silicon Valley startups have swapped “AI” for “Super Intelligence” in their pitch decks, only to find that investors still stare at the slide and ask, ‘What’s the difference between a toaster and a super intelligence?’
Research labs, which have long been fond of acronyms that sound like they belong on a sci‑fi poster, have issued a joint press release declaring that the new name ‘doesn’t affect the underlying algorithms’ but might complicate grant applications that require “AI” in the title.
In the world of commerce, the renaming has already prompted a flurry of new product names: a smartwatch now advertises itself as a “Super Intelligence Watch”, a home‑assistant device offers a “Super Intelligence Mode”, and a grocery chain has launched a line of “Super Intelligence” chips that apparently compute your calorie intake.
The stock market’s reaction has been oddly muted, except for a brief spike in the ticker of a mid‑cap company that sells “super‑intelligent” office chairs. Analysts note that the company’s CEO was reportedly unaware of the name change, and the chair’s price fell once the market realized that “super‑intelligent” is just a marketing buzzword.
As the nation grapples with the semantic shift, one small coffee shop in Seattle has announced that its new espresso blend is now called ‘Super Latte’, a move that has confused baristas more than the Department of Transportation’s new naming policy.
In short, the renaming of AI to ‘Super Intelligence’ has turned the business world into a playground for word‑play, leaving everyone to wonder if the next big thing will simply be called ‘Super Reality’ to avoid the inevitable backlash.