State Dinner for Xi Turns the White House Into a Silicon Valley Fox News Party

In an evening that could have been lifted straight from the set of a late‑night talk show, the White House welcomed Chinese President Xi Jinping for a state dinner that featured a who’s‑who of the tech world and a lineup of Fox News personalities.

President Trump, the host, opened the night with a toast about ‘global leadership’ and a turkey that looked suspiciously like a data centre, complete with a side of network cables.

David Ellison, CEO of Paramount Skydance, was spotted in a tuxedo that seemed to have more pixels than fabric, laughing as he tried to explain the difference between a streaming licence and a diplomatic handshake.

Elon Musk, Sam Altman, Tim Cook and Jensen Huang formed a semi‑circle around the dessert table, debating the merits of Mars colonisation over the cost of a single plate of foie gras.

Jesse Watters and Laura Ingraham, both of whom have a history of making the news themselves, were seen swapping opinions on the best way to ‘tweak the media narrative’ while sipping the same glass of champagne.

Meanwhile, reporters from CNN and MS NOW were politely asked to wait outside; their microphones were left unattended like an empty coffee pot on the table.

Some say the reason they were turned away was because the event was “too full of tech and talk radio” and the White House wanted to keep the atmosphere “just right” for a diplomatic handshake.

The night concluded with a handshake that could have been a handshake between a smartphone and a nuclear missile, a moment that would make even the most seasoned diplomats blush.

As the guests left the White House, the tech giants and Fox News hosts carried away new contacts, while the reporters went home with the same disappointment as a streaming service that fails to load.

The state dinner will be remembered not for diplomatic breakthroughs but for the fact that a dinner plate was served with a side of social media hashtags.

In the aftermath, the next summit is rumored to be hosted at a SpaceX launchpad, with the hope that the guests will bring their own satellites.

Only one thing is certain: when the White House turns into a Silicon Valley Fox News party, the world’s attention is as fleeting as a viral meme.