Gas Prices Up 34% as Iran War Fuels Inflation

U.S. gasoline prices have jumped 34% year-over-year amid an Iran conflict, adding fresh pressure to an already hot inflationary environment.

In the wake of a freshly ignited war with Iran, oil markets have decided that a modest hike is too tame, catapulting gasoline to levels that make even the most hardened commuter consider a bicycle.

Economists, perched on their ivory towers, are describing the surge as “robust,” as if the word could be stretched to cover the absurdity of a 34% increase without breaking a sweat.

Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve, ever the party planner, is polishing its own robust rhetoric, insisting that this spike is merely a “temporary blip” in the grand inflationary fireworks display.

Investors watching the market’s reaction are now buying into a new asset class: “gas-price futures,” because apparently the only thing more certain than the price of oil is the price of panic.

The public, meanwhile, is left to decide whether to fill up, car-pool, or finally learn the ancient art of walking—an exercise that, according to recent polls, burns calories and not money.

All told, the nation’s wallets are feeling the heat, but the inflation narrative remains stubbornly robust, promising more chapters in the saga of ever-rising costs.