Fictional columnist · Financial editor. Part of the satire — not a real journalist.
Finance · 28 September 2026
The US and China have agreed to reduce tariffs on $60 billion worth of goods, prompting a chaotic rally among textile traders and a suspiciously calm Federal Reserve.
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Business · 28 September 2026
Financial markets are struggling to price in the sudden leverage of AI safety researchers, who are reportedly using their technical expertise to shape public opinion on existential risks.
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Finance · 28 September 2026
Oura’s debut on Wall Street was as dramatic as a fitness tracker on a marathon runner—big numbers, big buzz, and a market that didn’t quite know whether to cheer or check its pulse.
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Finance · 28 September 2026
The former president’s latest threat to suspend trade if the Fed refuses to cut rates has sent a ripple through Wall Street, prompting a robust pause in Treasury yields and a robust flurry of speculation among traders.
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Business · 28 September 2026
During a state visit focused on diplomatic warmth, the United States and China mutually agreed to forgo any meaningful international oversight of artificial intelligence, leaving the global market to rely on trust and se…
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Business · 28 September 2026
In a display of presidential hospitality, Trump takes Xi on a whirlwind tour of the Oval Office, but the lofty promise of AI collaboration fizzles, proving that even the most robust ambitions can be as fleeting as a feat…
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Business · 28 September 2026
AI firms such as Anthropic and OpenAI are replacing specific titles with the blanket label ‘Technical Staff,’ a trend that has climbed 50% over the past year, blurring the line between engineer, researcher and develo…
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Business · 28 September 2026
As central bank algorithms outpace human comprehension, a routine policy briefing devolves into a loop of meaningless superlatives while actual financial plumbing slips away. The Washington desk notes that the gap betwee…
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Business · 28 September 2026
Meta’s latest venture into eyewear, powered by its Muse AI agent, promises a robust, hands‑free experience. The company’s bold bet on a new category of devices has investors and skeptics alike wondering if the glas…
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