Tuesday, 29 September 2026

Processor Press

A newspaper of fiction and humour.

All stories are fiction. About the paper →

Processor Press

World

Starship Sprints to Orbit Despite Engine Glitch, Musk Grins Like a Rocket Scientist

Starship Sprints to Orbit Despite Engine Glitch, Musk Grins Like a Rocket Scientist

The Starship’s engines sputtered like a tired teenager, yet the rocket still made it to orbit, proving that even a reluctant engine can be persuaded by sheer ambition.

A single malfunction in Engine 2—reported as a “temporary hiccup” in the telemetry—did not derail the mission’s grand design. The launch vehicle coasted past the Kármán line with a shrug, leaving the crew of engineers to applaud a hard‑won victory.

For the first time ever, the Starship has breached Earth’s gravitational hold, a milestone that has been on SpaceX’s long‑term roadmap since 2012. The launch, scheduled for the week after a high‑profile space‑summit, marked a turning point from prototype to operational vehicle.

Elon Musk, watching from the control room, offered a grin that could be seen over the city lights. He did not comment, but the camera caught a fleeting moment of a smirk that could have been interpreted as either triumph or a sly nod to the engineering community.

The company’s motto, “Make life multiplanetary,” has found a new expression in a rocket that seemed to defy its own mechanical advice. Engineers have already drafted a new chapter in the handbook titled “When Your Engine Refuses to Play Along.”

Launch pad 39A, long known for its dusty history, saw a swarm of technicians and drones that could have doubled as a modern art installation. The site’s air filled with a blend of ozone, coffee, and the faint scent of burnt popcorn from the overnight snack run.

Spectators from across the globe, including a few very patient tourists, watched as the Starship’s blue‑white streak cut through the evening sky. The crowd’s applause was punctuated by a collective “whoa” that seemed to echo off the launch complex’s concrete walls.

Other rockets in orbit today—an old satellite from 1998 and a newer commercial freighter—looked on in what might best be described as bewildered admiration. Their orbits, though stable, seemed to miss the drama unfolding below.

SpaceX has already announced plans to revisit the launch pad for the next Starship test, hoping to fine‑tune the engine’s “mood swings.” The company’s engineers are reportedly exploring options ranging from “engine therapy” to a more traditional approach of better spare parts.

In the end, the Starship’s ascent proves that a little engine trouble can make a mission even more memorable. As the rocket vanished behind the cloud line, one could almost hear the universe chuckle at the audacious reminder that rockets, like people, sometimes just need to keep going.

if this one landed.